Creative Counselling

Looking After Yourself

It is really important to take good care of yourself because nobody else can do that for you.

There are two main reasons why it is important to look after yourself:

• You can't look after other people indefinitely without taking care of yourself. So for the sake of other people, you need to look after yourself.
• You deserve looking after yourself for your own sake.

The second reason is the one that usually gives most trouble. It can be very hard to believe that we are worth looking after in our own right, especially if we have spent a lot of time looking after other people.

I look at it like this: we are a little bit of the universe that will be neglected unless we take care of ourselves. So if the rest of the environment is worth looking after, we are too, and as there are things that only we can do for ourselves it is up to us to do them.

We can look after ourselves by working on our feelings, by looking at how we talk to ourselves, and in very practical ways.

Feeling happier

Trying very hard to change our feelings doesn't work - in my experience at least. It seems that we have to come at our feelings by a more indirect route. One way to change our feelings is by the use of visualisation techniques. Another is to allow ourselves to become fully aware of our feelings. As we become aware, the feeling will often change.

However, if we get angry or frustrated at a feeling, telling ourselves, "I shouldn't be angry" (or sad, or guilty, or whatever) then somehow that makes it harder for the feeling to shift. Being gentle with yourself is the best way to allow change to happen.

Feeling freer

One way of looking after yourself is to notice the kind of things that you say to yourself. One particular word to look out for is "should". It is usually much more helpful to use the word "could" instead. Next time you notice yourself thinking "I should have done ..." try saying "I could have done ..." instead. You may be surprised to notice a feeling of freedom in realising that you have choices you could have made differently but that you were also free to choose as you did. And next time you are free to choose differently.

Again, getting angry and frustrated at the choices we have made seems only to lock us into them more firmly. A kinder approach to ourselves sets us free to change.

Practical care

We all know that we should eat a healthy diet and take enough exercise. What we don't always take on board is the need for relaxation, fun and enjoyment. Looking after yourself means being nice to yourself. That may mean going for a long walk, curling up in front of a roaring fire with a book, having a luxurious bath or watching your favourite soap on television. Whatever makes you feel happy and relaxed.